I felt like I was doing well… with my kids, with handling the bull that goes on at school, with my ASU work… and I am… but B just left after being here for the long weekend and I realized that I’m more homesick than ever. Just because I’m doing well at my job and in my classes doesn’t exactly mean I’m OK.
Having him here brings a breath of fresh air to this smoggy, congested city. He gives me confidence that I’m doing a good job, supports me and believes in me. With him here, I am reminded of who I am because I get to put teaching on pause and go run around hiking, or spend time cooking something yummy. It’s kind of crazy how we are making this work 2500 miles away from each other. And I am more than thankful that we can each find the time and sacrifice a little bit to visit each other. But when he left today I felt like I just dropped to the lowest low.
I can do March. But the months of April and May loom in the future without any 3day weekends or breaks. It’s about 12 straight weeks of my 7th graders growing antsy after AIMS and embracing their new 8th grader attitudes. After I get past these next 3.5 months, it’s summer vacation and I’ll be free to run away back to the East coast. But it is becoming more and more real that I’m here for another year and will have to do this all over again. It would be so much easier if I lived near my family and B to have their support and love at a closer distance. I feel like I’m missing so much of my nieces lives, when they are growing and changing so quickly. And I miss my best friends who are all together on the East Coast.
I don’t doubt that I can do it for another year. I just sometimes wonder at what expense of my personal life…